Thread:Billy Cope/@comment-5091911-20170512180301

Your sentences are far too long and the choice of words are awkward. You add Too many "Ands", "Tells" and "Names". Most of your sentences are three to four lines long. Not that I'm saying it's a problem, but you do need a moment to catch your breath, and some people read through very fast. I read through your plots, and I do lose pace.

Try reading this at fast pace outloud if you might get what I mean...
 * "Elsewhere, Sofia asks Robin and Mia if they have seen the gnomes to which they inform her that they have not seen anything since they were too angry at a certain rude bunny who would not share his garden veggies with them to notice anything odd." 