I Wanna Be a Boy

I Wanna Be a Boy is the opening song to Teacher's Pet and it's film of the same name.

The movie version is performed by Nathan Lane as Spot Helperman/Scot Leadready II, Sean Flemming as Leonard Helperman, Jerry Stiller as Pretty Boy, and David Ogden Stires as Mr. Jolly.

TV Version
Singer: Born on the wrong end of the leash,

He was a dreamer

Chorus: And a little schemer

Pretty Boy: (Spoken) A dirty mutt living a dog's life

Singer: But when he heard the bell for school

Chorus: He began to drool

One day he said,

Spot Helperman: (Spoken) I'll take a chance!

Chorus: Traded his leash for a pair of pants

Singer: In the class, which became his favorite pasttime

Spot: I've buried the bone for the last time!

Singer (spoken): He said,

Spot: I wanna be a boy!

Kids: He's so over just being rover

Spot: I gotta be a boy!

Chorus: This teacher's pet thinks that he's a boy!

Singer: Became a regular Einstein,

And Leonard is trying to find why

Leonard Helperman: (Spoken) Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?

Mary-Lou Helperman: (Spoken) Now, doodlebug, listen to mother!

Spot: I wanna be a boy!

Chorus: Lost his collar, now he's a scholar!

Spot: I gotta be a boy!

Pretty Boy: (Spoken) Oy!

Chorus: This power pup's gonna be a boy!

Spot: I do not wish to be a dog

Chorus: Now this Shnauzer's ready for trousers!

Spot: I gotta be a boy!

Pretty Boy: (Spoken) Pathetic!

Chorus: This teacher's pet's gonna be a boy!

Movie version
Spot: Born on the wrong end of the leash,

I was a dreamer

Houses: And a little schemer!

Spot: A simple mutt living the dog's life

But the bell for school would make me drool!

`Til I came up with this clever ploy

Fire Hydrant: Which is to say, dressing like a boy

Dogs: Now he thinks he can take other pets a peg down

Spot: Hey, I'm a dog who's learned to keep his leg down!

I wanna be a boy!

Cats: He's so over just being rover

Spot: I gotta be a boy!

Kids: This teacher's pet thinks that he's a boy!

Boy: (Spoken) He the bomb!

Kids: He's a regular whiz kid

Leonard: (Spoken) Yeah, but,

Spot: Hey, that's how it is, kid.

Leonard: Now that summer's here, be a dog like any other

Spot: Haven't you always wanted a brother?

Leonard: Ugh, I wanna have a dog!

Spot: Hey, I'm off the leash now

Girls: He's eating kiesh now

Spot: Gotta be a boy

Kids: A boy, and nothing but a boy

Nothing but a boy

Leonard: (Spoken) Don't you think you're stretching?

Spot: When you're confetching

Kids: Gotta be a boy

Leonard: Spot, you can fake it, but you'll never be a boy!

Spot: But soft, could what he says is true?

Is this really just a phase I'm going through?

Leonard: (Spoken) I sure hope so!

Spot: Should I go back to serving man?

Eat wholesome dinners from a can?

Who needs records scoring goals?

Come on, let's bark and dig some holes!

(Spoken: What am I, nuts!? Leonard, wake up and smell the kibble!)

I gotta be a boy!

Leonard: Spot, sit and stay now!

Spot: What did you say now?

Kids: He's gotta be a boy!

Spot: I've got to be

Leonard: It's not to be

Spot: I long to be

Leonard: You're wrong to be

Spot: It's great to be

Kids: Good trait to be

Pretty Boy and Mr. Jolly: We'd hate to be

Spot: Can't wait to be

Girl: My mate to be

Leonard: Too late to be

Spot: It's my fate to be...

A boy!

Leonard: A dog!

Spot: A boy!

Leonard: A dog!

Spot: A boy!

Leonard: A dog!

Spot: A boy!

Leonard: Dog!

Spot: Boy!

Leonard: Dog!

Spot: Boy!

Leonard: Dog!

Spot: Boy!

Leonard: Dog!

Spot: Boy!

Leonard: Dog

Spot: Boy!

Leonard: Dog!

Spot: Boy! (Leonard: Dog!)

Spot: (Spoken) Boy!