Gaston (song)

Gaston is a song sung by Gaston, LeFou, Gaston's buddies, and the villagers in Beauty and the Beast. The song was sung to cheer up Gaston. The song is most famous for the phrase 'No one (verb) like Gaston'. The phrase would become an Internet meme, even appearing as a catchphrase for Gaston in House of Mouse.

The version of the song featured on the soundtrack notably includes a small scene where LeFou tries to spell Gaston's name. This scene was cut from the version of the song featured in the film itself.

Lyrics
Lefou:

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston

Looking so down in the dumps

Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston

Even when taking your lumps

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston

No one's quick as Gaston

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's

For there's no man in town half as manly perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

Lefou and Chorus:

No one's been like Gaston

Kings pin like Gaston

LeFou: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

Gaston:

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

Lefou and Chorus:

My what a guy, that Gaston!

Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"

LeFou:

Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips

Chorus:

No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston

LeFou:

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

Bimbettes:

For there's no one as burly and brawny

Gaston:

As you see I've got biceps to spare

LeFou:

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

Gaston:

That's right!

And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

Chorus:

No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston

LeFou:

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

Gaston:

I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie!

Chorus:

Ten points for Gaston!

Gaston:

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs ev'ry morning to help me get large

And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs

So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

Chorus:

Oh, ahhh, wow!

My what a guy, that Gaston!

No one shoots like Gaston

Makes those beauts like Gaston

LeFou:

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston!

Gaston:

I use antlers in all of my decorating!

Chorus:

My what a guy, Gaston!

Reprise
Gaston:

LeFou I'm afraid I've been thinking

LeFou:

A dangerous pastime...

Gaston:

I know.

But that wacky old coot is Belle's father

And his sanity's only so-so.

Now the wheels in my head have been turning

Since I looked at that loony old man

See, I promised myself I'd be married to Belle

And right now I'm evolving a plan!

If I... (whispers)

LeFou:

Yes?

Gaston:

Then we... (whispers)

LeFou:

No, would she?

'''Gaston: ''' (whispers)

Guess!

LeFou:

Now I get it!

Both:

Let's go!

No one plots like Gaston

Gaston:

Takes cheap shots like Gaston

LeFou:

Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston!

Gaston, LeFou, and Chorus:

So his marriage we soon will be celebrating

My what a guy

Gaston!