Lula's First Barbarian

Lula's First Barbarian is the second half of the first season.

Summary
Lula's old owner, Argon The Ageless, comes to town and Lula wants to find some way of getting him to come back to her.

Quotes

 * Dave: Look what I bought! It lets you listen to music wherever you go! They call it: a walkminstrel!
 * Walkminstrel: [Singing badly] My love is like a red, red rose, but she doesn't smell as good...


 * Dave: What is it!? A spider!? Is something burning!? Is it on me!? I don't see it! Is it invisible!? Are invisible spiders crawling on me and burning!?


 * [Lula reminisces about her first barbarian.]
 * Lula: We were great together, like mayonnaise and... more mayonnaise... So I like mayonnaise, so what!?


 * [Lula speaks to Argon]
 * Argon: You're that one... sword, right?


 * [In a flashback where Argon leaves Lula, Argon builds a snowman and uses Lula as the snowman's nose.]
 * Argon: Woah, rockin' snowman!


 * Storyteller: Yae, Lula's love still burns with the heat of one hundred suns, and Argon's love for Lula burns with the heat of... not... any... suns... at all.


 * [The cast tries to comfort Lula after she finds out Argon has a new sword]
 * Fang: Ah, the guy's a weenie. You deserve better, Lula.
 * Candy: Yeah, and I thought his new sword looked kinda cheap.
 * Dave: Seriously, that tight scabbard left nothing to the imagination.


 * Candy: This is my secret princess cute and fuzzy chamber of peace.


 * Candy: Okay, so we'll skip to the girliest of girly things: manipulating boys. [Pulls out "Barbarian Teen Magazine"] In my hands, I hold the key to winning Argon's heart. An article in Barbarian Teen Magazine.
 * Lula: "How to Bag Your Buff Barbarian Beef Boy." Classy.


 * [Argon comes to Castle Udrogoth to ask for Lula back.]
 * Lula: Dave, here's my two weeks notice. I quit as of two weeks ago. See ya!


 * Storyteller: Meanwhile, without his sword, Dave is feeling a bit naked.
 * Fang: [Pulling a curtain that Dave is hiding behind] Dave, quit acting naked!


 * Enchanted toothbrush: Arrr! I'm waging a war on cavities!


 * Enchanted toothbrush: Don't forget to brush the tongue! Everybody forgets to brush the tongue!


 * [Dave, in disguise, delivers a fake sword to Argon]
 * Dave: Special delivery for, um, Mr. Ageless.
 * Argon: Who's it, like, from?
 * Dave: [Voice cracking] The queen! Of... Queen... Land.


 * [Lula tries to get Argon to forget about the fake sword]
 * Argon: Beat it you hunk of tin! I got a shiny, pointy, new sword!


 * Lula: We've had a little fun with dental hygiene today, but it's no laughing matter.
 * Dave: So be sure to brush and floss after every meal. Otherwise, evil tooth decay goblins will move into your mouth and play loud polka music day and night.
 * Lula: Thanks for listening, and remember [shouting] stay in school!