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"A Professional Pirate" is a song sung by Long John Silver and his pirate henchmen in the film, Muppet Treasure Island. It is sung when they try to convince Jim Hawkins to join their crew but fail.

Lyrics

Long John:
When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation
My father said "Now, son, this choice deserves deliberation
Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier
My boy, why not consider a more challenging career?"

Pirates:
Hey, ho, ho
You'll cruise to foreign shores (Long John: Ha ha ha! Sing it, lads!)
And you'll keep your mind and body sound (Long John: Show him you've been practicing!)
By working out of doors

Long John:
True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without

All:
And when you're a professional pirate

Bad Polly:
That's what the job's about

Long John:
Upstage, lads, this is my only number!

Now, take Sir Francis Drake; the Spanish all despise him
But to the British he's a hero and they idolize him
It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good
And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood!

Pirates:
Hey, ho, ho (Long John: Oh, I love it!)
We're honorable men (Long John: 'Tis poetry in motion!)
And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten!

Long John:
On occasion there may be someone you have to execute

All:
But when you're a professional pirate

Clueless Morgan:
You don't have to wear a suit
...What?

Mad Monty:
I could have been a surgeon
I like taking things apart!

Bad Polly:
I could have been a lawyer
But I just had too much heart

Clueless Morgan:
I could have been in politics
'Cause I've always been a big spender

Black-Eyed Pete:
And me... I could have been a contender

Long John:
Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated
I say we're victims of bad press; it's all exaggerated
We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat
We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet!

(Long John's speech)

All:
Hey, ho, ho
It's one for all for one
And we'll share-and-share-alike with you and love you like a son
We're gentlemen of fortune and that's what we're proud to be
And when you're a professional pirate

Long John:
You'll be honest, brave, and free
The soul of decency
You'll be loyal and fair and on the square
And most importantly

All:
When you're a professional pirate
You're always in the best of company!

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