"The Anthropomorphic Zoo" is a deleted song which was to be performed by Jack and Mary Poppins in the 2018 film Mary Poppins Returns. The song later evolved into another one with a similar melody called "The Royal Doulton Music Hall".
Lyrics[]
Shamus:
Where would you all like to go on this fine day?
Mary Poppins:
The Anthropomorphic Zoo, please.
John:
Anthropomorphic?
Georgie:
What does that mean?
Mary Poppins:
We’re on the brink of an adventure, children.
Don’t spoil it with too many questions.
Jack:
Today, when you woke,
Did you think, “Yes, of course”?
You’d be riding in a carriage
Where the driver was the horse
When that bowl fell and broke
You were headed for a trip
Where the humans are the horses
And the horses crack the whip
And so, drive or press on
To the place that’s all the rage
If we’re lucky we might see
A leap of ladies in a cage
Now you look a bit confused
And I admit it’s quite bizarre
So, sit up and let me tell you where we are
We’re where the bears at large
Are happy and in charge
It’s the Anthropomorphic Zoo
Just look, the chimpanzees
Feed the bankers in the trees
At the Anthropomorphic Zoo
Here, a hyena laughs
With a hippo and her calves
Every trainer is a tiger
The attendants are giraffes
The old owl, the new
Are happily watching you
At the Professor Walton
Royal Doulton Anthropomorphic Zoo
Professor Walton:
Mary Poppins, where have you been hibernating all these years?
Mary Poppins:
Professor Walton, so good to see you.
Annabel:
She’s talking to a bear.
Jack:
Well, of course she can talk.
Professor Walton:
May I present the key to the zoo?
Mary Poppins:
Thank you, so kindly.
Professor Walton:
The pleasure is mine.
Tiny Animals:
And mine.
And mine.
And mine.
And mine.
Jack:
Today when I woke
Who would ever thought that I
Would see gilded ladies singing
While six nightingales flew by?
When I strapped on my boots
Did I ever think I’d see
Twenty jailbirds locked in cages
And a zebra with the key?
When I looked at that bowl
Lying cracked on the shelf
Did I think that an inhabitant
Could ever be myself?
I’ve lost track of what I knew
But there is one thing that I know
Mary Poppins is the one who makes it so
‘Cause now we’re here
It’s grand
So give the paws a hand
It’s the Anthropomorphic Zoo
The snakes are all in bliss
As the politicians hiss
Ooh!
At the Anthropomorphic Zoo
And when it’s time to dine
Your waitress is bovine
As she’s mooing out the orders
To a chef quite elephantine
Early bird special!
Every sign you pass said,
“Please don’t keep off the grass”
At the Professor Walton
Royal Doulton Anthropomorphic Zoo
Look at that, look at that
They’re suddenly everywhere
I see, you see, we see
Something we never knew
Nothing we ever knew
Right before our eyes
Tossing this bowl about
Let us just stroll about the zoo
It’s true
There’s no other ride we’d rather choose
Oh, look, crocodiles in crocodile shoes
We’re where the peacock flares
And hippos put on airs
It’s the Anthropomorphic Zoo
Look how these girls in groups
Jump through poodles’ flaming hoops
At the Anthropomorphic Zoo
That pachyderm, so dear
Still sweeps up in the rear
For he couldn’t bear to give up
His theatrical career
Though the children bite
It’s a quadruped’s delight
At the humans yapping
Seals are clapping
Quite auspicious
Roar-alicious
Beasts run free, menagerie
Where paws and beak are magnifique
It’s just tremendous
Quite stupendous
All for your review
The Professor Walton
Royal Doulton Anthropomorphic Zoo
