"If I Can't Have Christmas" is a song featured in the Big City Greens episode "Green Christmas". It is performed by Cricket Green following his revelation that "nothing [he] does matters" regarding doing good deeds. He decides that rather than trying to be good so that Santa Claus can bring him gifts, he will resort to his mischievous antics to ruin Christmas for everyone else.


I tried my best at helping folks,
But I've run out of time.
My nice list hopes, gone up in smoke
As bells of judgement chime.
I see now that I'm doomed.
My gift-wrapped ship has sank.
So I shall resume my Christmas pranks!

I'll trip up this dip, I'll make this guy slide!
Don’t bother me, cause I’m fresh out of pride!
I’ll hand out free candy,
Bestow loads of cocoa.
You'll wonder out load how could I stoop so low!
It's a simple fact, a secret I'll spill.
If I can’t have Christmas, nobody will!

I'll throw all my snowballs with impunity,
Advance avalanches on the community,
Revise advertisements,
And make folks obey them.
This season's colors are mischief and mayhem,

Toboggans on noggins and butts fulla nuts,
Snowmen I stabbed in their tinselstring guts,
Displays in dismay and socks spouting trout!
If you don't get it yet,
Then let me spell it out,
Being nice is a bore and naughty's a thrill,
If I can't have Christmas, nobody will!

Nobody will!

(Evil laughter)

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Big City Greens
Cricket GreenTilly GreenBill GreenAlice GreenGloria SatoRemy RemingtonNancy GreenPhoenixOfficer KeysBennyKikiWeezieBrettAndromedaChip WhistlerRussell RemingtonRashida RemingtonVasquezAlexander and TerryMiriam ChoJuan PabloCommunity SueMaria MediaMr. GrigorianGwendolyn ZappGabriella EspinosaGregly
Big City • Greens' House • Big Coffee • Remingtons' Mansion • Nancy's Trailer • Wholesome Foods
Season One: Space Chicken / Steak NightCricket Versus / Blue TaterSwimming Fool / Tilly's GoatCricketsitter / Backflip BillGramma's License / Bear TrappedPhoto Op / Remy RescueGridlocked / Mama BirdWelcome Home / RaccoonedFill Bill / Critterball CrisisParade Day / DIY GuysGargoyle Gals / Supermarket ScandalBarry Cuda / Suite RetreatFamily Legacy / Paint Misbehavin'Rated Cricket / Homeshare HoedownCricket's Shoes / Feud FightBreaking News / CyberbulliesTilly Tour / Dinner PartyCoffee Quest / Phoenix RisesBlood MoonBig Deal / Forbidden FelineUncagedHarvest Dinner / Winner WinnerNight Bill / Cheap SnakeHiya Henry / People WatchingValentine's Dance / Green StreetsHurty Tooth / Sleepover SistersTrailer Trouble / Mansion MadnessPark Pandemonium / Cricket's BiscuitsSkunked / Axin' SaxonCricket's Place / Volunteer Tilly

Season Two: Cricket's Kapowie / Car TroubleUrban Legend / Wishing WellElevator Action / Bad InfluencerGreen ChristmasReckoning Ball / ClubbedImpopstar / Football CampHeat Beaters / Bill-ieverShark Objects / Dream WeaverLevel Up / Wild SideGarage Tales / Animal FarmDesserted / The GiftedTime Crisis / Gramma DriverTilly Style / I, FarmbotFriend Con / FlimflammedGreen Acres / Dolled UpGabriella's Fella / Cheap ShowGreen Mirror / Cricket's TicketsTimes Circle / Super Gramma!Present Tense / Hurt BikeQuiet Please / Chipwrecked
Cancelled: Hands-On History

Big City Greens Main Title ThemeDo It All Again • Fun, Fun, Fun • Tilly's Bird Song • This Day Is A-OK • Barry Cuda • Funtopia • The Best Part of ChristmasGood Deeds Are Good IndeedIf I Can't Have ChristmasChristmas is BustedNo Christmas At All • Miss Tilly's Fun Time TV Hour • Crispy Sundae Challenge
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