Marley and Marley

Waldorf and Statler as Jacob and Robert Marley

Muppet Christmas Carol - Marley And Marley

Muppet Christmas Carol - Marley And Marley

"Marley and Marley" is a song in The Muppet Christmas Carol, sung by Waldorf and Statler as Jacob and Robert Marley.


Jacob Marley: It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men.

Robert Marley: And if that spirit goes not forth in life, he is condemned to do so after death.

Jacob Marley: To witness what he can not share, but might have shared and turned to happiness.

Both: We're Marley and Marley. Avarice and greed.

Jacob Marley: We took advantage of the poor. Just ignored the needy.

Both: We specialized in causing pain, spreading fear and doubt.

Robert Marley: And if you could not pay the rent, we simply threw you out.

There was the year we evicted the entire orphanage!

Jacob Marley: I remember the little tykes all standing in the snow bank.

Robert Marley: With their little frostbitten teddy bears!

Both: (laugh) (shudder)

Both: We're Marley and Marley. Our hearts were painted black.

Jacob Marley: We should have known our evil deeds would put us both in shackles

Both: Captive, bound, we're double-ironed, exhausted by the weight

Jacob Marley: As freedom comes from giving love

Robert Marley: So, prison comes with hate

Both: We're Marley and Marley

Ghosts: Whoooooo

Both: We're Marley and Marley

Ghosts: Whoooooo

Waldorf: True, there was something about mankind we loved

Jacob Marley: I think it was their money!

Both: (laugh)

Both: Doomed, Scrooge! You're doomed for all time!

Waldorf: Your future is a horror story, written by your crime

Both: Your chains are forged by what you say and do.

Ghosts: So, have your fun; when life is done, a nightmare waits for you.

Waldorf: Funny?

Jacob Marley: Money?

Both: We're Marley and Marley.

Ghosts: Whoooooo.

Both: We're Marley and Marley.

Ghosts: Whoooooo.

Both: We're Marley and Marley and now it's time to part.

Robert Marley: To go back where they keep our kind.

Jacob Marley: The wretched and the heartless.

Robert Marley: The news we shared has got you scared.

Jacob Marley: We're glad that we got through.

Robert Marley: So make amends.

Jacob Marley: And make some friends.

Both: The future's up to you!

(instrumental break)

Both: We're Marley and Marley.

Ghosts: Whoooooo.

Both: We're Marley and Marley

Ghosts: Whoooooo.

Both: We're Marley and Marley

Ghosts: Whoooooo.

Both: Change!


  • Waldorf during the second speaking segment of the song where they recalled evicting an orphanage alludes to some of the poor orphaned children they let die on the streets having "frostbitten teddy bears." This is an anachronism, as the story was written in and took place during the 19th century, specifically the Victorian Era, and teddy bears, named after then-United States President Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt after an incident where he refused to kill a restrained black bear during a hunting trip, had not even been invented until the 20th century.

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