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"The Anthropomorphic Zoo" is a deleted song which was to be performed by Jack and Mary Poppins in the 2018 film Mary Poppins Returns. The song later evolved into another one with a similar melody called "The Royal Doulton Music Hall".

Lyrics[]

Shamus:
Where would you all like to go on this fine day?

Mary Poppins:
The Anthropomorphic Zoo, please.

John:
Anthropomorphic?

Georgie:
What does that mean?

Mary Poppins:
We’re on the brink of an adventure, children.
Don’t spoil it with too many questions.

Jack:
Today, when you woke,
Did you think, “Yes, of course”?
You’d be riding in a carriage
Where the driver was the horse

When that bowl fell and broke
You were headed for a trip
Where the humans are the horses
And the horses crack the whip

And so, drive or press on
To the place that’s all the rage
If we’re lucky we might see
A leap of ladies in a cage

Now you look a bit confused
And I admit it’s quite bizarre
So, sit up and let me tell you where we are
We’re where the bears at large

Are happy and in charge
It’s the Anthropomorphic Zoo
Just look, the chimpanzees
Feed the bankers in the trees
At the Anthropomorphic Zoo

Here, a hyena laughs
With a hippo and her calves
Every trainer is a tiger
The attendants are giraffes

The old owl, the new
Are happily watching you
At the Professor Walton
Royal Doulton Anthropomorphic Zoo

Professor Walton:
Mary Poppins, where have you been hibernating all these years?

Mary Poppins:
Professor Walton, so good to see you.

Annabel:
She’s talking to a bear.

Jack:
Well, of course she can talk.

Professor Walton:
May I present the key to the zoo?

Mary Poppins:
Thank you, so kindly.

Professor Walton:
The pleasure is mine.

Tiny Animals:
And mine.
And mine.
And mine.
And mine.

Jack:
Today when I woke
Who would ever thought that I
Would see gilded ladies singing
While six nightingales flew by?

When I strapped on my boots
Did I ever think I’d see
Twenty jailbirds locked in cages
And a zebra with the key?

When I looked at that bowl
Lying cracked on the shelf
Did I think that an inhabitant
Could ever be myself?

I’ve lost track of what I knew
But there is one thing that I know
Mary Poppins is the one who makes it so
‘Cause now we’re here

It’s grand
So give the paws a hand
It’s the Anthropomorphic Zoo
The snakes are all in bliss

As the politicians hiss
Ooh!
At the Anthropomorphic Zoo
And when it’s time to dine

Your waitress is bovine
As she’s mooing out the orders
To a chef quite elephantine
Early bird special!

Every sign you pass said,
“Please don’t keep off the grass”
At the Professor Walton
Royal Doulton Anthropomorphic Zoo

Look at that, look at that
They’re suddenly everywhere
I see, you see, we see
Something we never knew

Nothing we ever knew
Right before our eyes
Tossing this bowl about
Let us just stroll about the zoo

It’s true
There’s no other ride we’d rather choose
Oh, look, crocodiles in crocodile shoes
We’re where the peacock flares

And hippos put on airs
It’s the Anthropomorphic Zoo
Look how these girls in groups
Jump through poodles’ flaming hoops

At the Anthropomorphic Zoo
That pachyderm, so dear
Still sweeps up in the rear
For he couldn’t bear to give up

His theatrical career
Though the children bite
It’s a quadruped’s delight
At the humans yapping

Seals are clapping
Quite auspicious
Roar-alicious
Beasts run free, menagerie

Where paws and beak are magnifique
It’s just tremendous
Quite stupendous

All for your review
The Professor Walton
Royal Doulton Anthropomorphic Zoo


v - e - d
Mary Poppins Logo
Media
Films: Mary Poppins (video/soundtrack) • Mary Poppins Returns (video/soundtrack) • The Cat That Looked at a KingMusicalThe Legacy CollectionPractically Poppins in Every Way: A Magical Carpetbag of Countless Wonders
Disney Parks
Country Bear Musical JamboreeGarden of the Twelve FriendsMary PoppinsThe Great Movie Ride

Entertainment: Disney Adventure Friends CavalcadeDisney's BelieveDisney Classics: The Music & The MagicFollow Your DreamsMickey's Magical Music WorldOne Man's Dream II: The Magic Lives OnOnce Upon a Mouse
Restaurants: Jolly Holiday Bakery Cafe
Parades: Celebrate A Dream Come True ParadeDisney's Dreams On Parade: Moving OnDisney's Magical Moments ParadeDisney's Party ExpressDisney Cinema ParadeDisney Magic on ParadeDisney on Parade: 100 Years of MagicDisney Stars on ParadeDisney Stars 'n' CarsDreaming Up!Happiness is Here ParadeMickey's Soundsational ParadeThe Wonderful World of Disney ParadeTokyo Disneyland Electrical Parade: DreamLightsSpectromagic
Fireworks: Believe... There's Magic in the StarsDisney Dreams!Disney Movie MagicDisneyland ForeverFantasy in the Sky Magical: Disney's New Nighttime Spectacular of Magical CelebrationsReach for the Stars
Spring: Disney's Easter WonderlandDisney's Spring Promenade

Characters
Mary Poppins: Mary PoppinsBertGeorge BanksWinifred BanksJane BanksMichael BanksPenguin WaitersFoxAdmiral Boom and Mr. BinnacleUncle AlbertMr. Dawes Sr.Katie NannaMrs. BrillEllenMr. Dawes Jr.Constable JonesJolly Holiday Farm AnimalsThe Pearly BandRobinsMiss LarkChimney SweepsParrot Umbrella

Mary Poppins Returns: William Weatherall WilkinsJackTopsyThe Balloon LadyClydeShamusJohn BanksAnnabel BanksGeorgie BanksAngusHamilton Gooding and Templeton FryeThe Park KeeperPenny FarthingDolphinsRoyal Doulton AnimalsLamplighters
The Cat That Looked at a King: CatKingQueenPrime Minister
Musical: Miss Andrew

Locations
LondonCherry Tree LaneEnglish Countryside PaintingRoyal Doulton Music Hall
Songs
Mary Poppins: Sister SuffragetteThe Life I LeadThe Perfect NannyA Spoonful of SugarSobre las OlasJolly HolidaySupercalifragilisticexpialidociousStay AwakeI Love to LaughFeed the Birds (Tuppence a Bag)A British BankFidelity Fiduciary BankChim Chim Cher-eeStep in TimeA Man Has DreamsLet's Go Fly a Kite

Mary Poppins Returns: (Underneath the) Lovely London SkyA ConversationCan You Imagine That?The Royal Doulton Music HallA Cover is Not the BookThe Place Where Lost Things GoTurning TurtleTrip a Little Light FantasticNowhere to Go But Up
Musical: Temper, TemperPractically PerfectAnything Can HappenBrimstone and TreaclePlaying the GameBeing Mrs. BanksGood for NothingCherry Tree LanePrecision and Order
Deleted Songs: The Anthropomorphic ZooThe ChimpanzooThe Right SideTimbucktuThe Land of SandAdmiral BoomMary Poppins' MelodyYou Think, You BlinkThrough The Eyes of LoveWest WindTiki TownTea in ChinaThe North Pole Polka

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