"There's a Platypus Controlling Me" is a rap song performed by Dr. Doofenshmirtz and the goth teens at the junkyard party near the ending of "Brain Drain". Through most of the song, Doofenshmirtz is trying to notify his audience that it isn't him scratching the vinyl records his hands are glued to, but that it is actually a platypus manipulating him to do so. However, most of them perceive this as a metaphor and jump into the music.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well, I'll be honest, I don't really understand.
But I fell down this hill now I got glue on my hands,
And I got records on my fingers.
Teens: Whaaaat?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Records on my fingers,
I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop.
Teens: Don't stop!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I can't stop. I got a platypus controlling me.
Teens: WHAAAAT?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I got a platypus controlling me.
Now let me sum it up.
It was a strange set of circumstances.
Teens: Strange set of circumstances?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I fell down the hill, I got glue on my hands, now I got records on my fingers
And I just can't stop.
Teens: DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well, I would if I was able.
There's a platypus controlling me; he's underneath the table.
Teens: There's a platypus controlling him—WHAAAT?
Kid: Oh I get it, platypus is a metaphor for whatever is keeping you down.
Teens: Like corporations are a platypus.
The government's a platypus.
Your teacher is a platypus.
Weird Teen: My teacher is a panda.
Teens: Society's a platypus.
My parents are a platypus.
The media's a platypus.
It's all just propaganda!
Yeah, we've all got a platypus controlling us!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Just me!
Teens: We've all got a platypus controlling us!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'd stop if I was able.
Teens: We've all got a platypus controlling us!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'm not speaking metaphorically,
The platypus controlling me is underneath the table.
Wait! Oh wait, no, he's gone!
Heyyy! There's no platypus controlling me…
There's no platypus controlling me!
(Cheers)
Background information[]
This song can have some similarities to Squirrels in My Pants, since both songs feature a character get into a situation caused by someone else then transitioning into a song.
Once again, someone thinks what is being said is a metaphor. (first was "She's the Mayor")
The teen who says his teacher is a panda was in the crowd of bullies during Go, Candace, Go.
Continuity[]
At Comic-Con 2012, moderator Damon Lindelof introduced Dee Bradley Baker as the man who voices "the platypus controlling us all."
Videos[]
There's a Platypus Controlling Me
Audio only
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