"Yes, I find they have a special gift for the work.”
- ―Eddie Valiant and Judge Doom
In the film, the Toon Patrol are the law enforcers of Toontown, although they behave less like law enforcers and more like gangsters and crooks due to their behaviors. Judge Doom has hired them to arrest Roger Rabbit for the murder of Marvin Acme. Their vehicle is a real-life black 1937 Dodge Humpback panel truck which serves as a paddy wagon. The vehicle is fitted with the official City of Los Angeles "Toon Patrol" decals on the front doors.
Like all the other Toons in the movie, the Toon Patrol are invincible to physical body harm except the chemical blend called "The Dip".
In the case of the weasels, it is shown that prolonged laughter is also lethal to them; while Eddie Valiant jokes around in front of them during the climax of the film, all except their leader Smartass die from laughing at him; Smartass meets his demise after Valiant crotch-kicks him into a vat of The Dip. Whether or not the weasels knew that Doom was a Toon himself is never confirmed, but their relationship with him may hint that they had no knowledge of such.
Smartass is the leader of the Toon Patrol, and is ranked a sergeant by Judge Doom. He is voiced by David Lander. He arrives with the rest of the Toon Patrol at the scene of Marvin Acme's murder to assure their boss Judge Doom of their task's success, stating that their many informants around the city will help them find the murder suspect Roger Rabbit. During the demonstration of the Dip, the weasels all laugh with delight in spite of the horrific properties of Dip and its effects on toons. Smartass and the other weasels soon track Roger Rabbit to Eddie Valiant's office and break in, finding him washing his clothes in the sink. During a hostile conversation, Valiant shoves a bar of soap in his mouth and the other weasels laugh. Smartass hushes them and abuses them to warn them against laughter, before they eventually leave to search elsewhere. During the bar fight, Smartass is the only weasel capable of overpowering Valiant, incapacitating him and drawing a switchblade before being hit in the face with a bottle. The weasels make several more appearances, specifically during the car chase with Benny the Cab and the escape from Toontown. When Valiant and Jessica are captured, Smartass holds Valiant at bay with a revolver before Valiant begins a comedic dance number. This amuses all the other weasels until they die laughing, though Smartass is suddenly distracted by a flaw in the lyrics. After correcting himself, Valiant kicks Smartass in the crotch and launches him into a large vat of Dip, instantly destroying him utterly and causing the remaining weasels to laugh even harder. Of all the weasels, Smartass is the most consistently serious and does his best to keep his mind on the job. Despite this, he has a sarcastic attitude and will also laugh at funny sights, though he has more control then the other weasels. Whilst the leader of the Toon Patrol, he has a poor vocabulary and commits a malapropism almost every time he speaks. He seems to have no regard for others and even his own colleagues receive little compassion from him, though they will also offer no consolation to him when he suffers in any fashion. Smartass has brown fur with tan markings on his muzzle and his underbelly. He wears a light pink double-breasted zoot suit coat with a matching fedora and a white dress shirt. He has various accessories such as a gold chain in the left pocket, a bed-jewelled magenta tie and spats on his bare feet. His weapon of choice is a .44 revolver, though in the bar scene he is shown attempting to attack Eddie Valiant with a switchblade.
Greasy is allegedly the second-in-command of the Toon Patrol. He is voiced by Charles Fleischer. Greasy is rarely without the rest of the Toon Patrol, as he appears with them in their arrival at the scene of Marvin Acme's murder, as well as their search of Eddie Valiant's office for the murder suspect Roger Rabbit. He later arrives with the Toon Patrol and Judge Doom at the bar, but is easily defeated by Eddie Valiant while he and Roger escape. In the ensuing chase, Greasy is presumably in the back of the patrol vehicle and therefore unseen. When Jessica and Valiant are captured and brought to the Acme Factory, the weasels search Valiant for Marvin Acme's will. When ordered by Doom to search Jessica, Greasy volunteers for the task and immediately begins fondling Jessica's cleavage, before being caught in her "Booby Trap" and panicking with a Bear Trap hanging from his hand. While the weasels laugh as he hops around and wails in pain, Doom hits him into a pile of boxes with his cane. After Doom's plan is revealed, Greasy is suddenly launched into the air after Roger Rabbit rockets out of a storm drain, quickly grabbing onto a set of suspended bricks to break his fall. While Roger is distracted by Doom, Greasy cuts the rope and the stack of bricks lands on top of Roger. After tying Jessica and Roger together onto a crane hook, Greasy starts driving the Dip Machine and holds his foot on the brake instead of parking. When Valiant starts making the weasels laugh with his comedic dance number, Greasy laughs so hard that he dies and falls out of the vehicle, letting go of the brake and leaving the vehicle to roll forward uncontrollably. He has a thick Puerto Rican accent, though he curses in Spanish when he is caught in Jessica's booby trap and when rocketed into the air by Roger's entrance. Greasy seems to be the most aggressive of the weasels and is the most eager to fight. He is also a pervert, evident as he takes the opportunity to molest Jessica's cleavage when the weasels are tasked with frisking her. Greasy has long greasy black hair slicked back and dark brown fur with tan markings. Greasy often appears overweight and sports a small potbelly, though this is inconsistent with his appearances when he had a slim figure. He wears a green zoot suit styled trench coat, a white dress shirt with a partially obscured pink tie and a matching fedora that often obscures his eyes. He wears white spectator shoes with single black stripes and trousers hiked up to his chest, making him to only weasel to wear pants. He appropriately resembles a zoot suit gangster from the L.A. "Zoot Suit Riots" of the 1940s. His weapon of choice is a switchblade, though he also uses a .44 revolver.
Psycho is the most insane weasel in the Toon Patrol. He is voiced by Charles Fleischer. Psycho is only ever seen with the rest of the Toon Patrol and aids them in their efforts to capture Roger Rabbit, the prime suspect in the murder of Marvin Acme. At almost all times, he is either seen or heard laughing in his distinct cackle. When Jessica and Eddie Valiant are taken to the Acme Factory, the Dip Machine and the plot to destroy Toontown is revealed. Psycho supervises Wheezy in tying Jessica and Roger to a crane hook, before he climbs onto the Dip Machine and mans its mounted water cannon. Psycho is shocked by Valiant's sudden comedic dance number but eventually begins laughing along in spite of the fatal effects of laughing on weasels. Psycho starts dancing around and accidentally hits a lever to fire the dip cannon, only barely missing Roger and Jessica. He eventually loses his balance and hangs from another switch that turns the cannon away from the hostages, before falling into the spinning brush in front of the vehicle. As an angel, he begins ascending before pushing the switch to turn the cannon back towards them, before bidding farewell and giggling to himself. Psycho is most insane of the weasels, hence his name. He gets excited by the concept of killing, as he is heard gleefully laughing when Judge Doom kills the Toon Shoe in the bucket of Dip. He is nearly drooling in anticipation as Smartass attempts to drive into Benny the Cab, and he takes it upon himself to shoot the Dip at Roger and Jessica. On a few occasions, it is implied that he enjoys pretending his straitjacket is buckled by hugging himself tightly, namely when he exits the Toon Patrol's car in his first appearance and while laughing after Eddie stuffs a bar of soap into Smartass's mouth; though this might also imply that he is not entirely used to having his straitjacket unbuckled. Psycho has brown fur with frizzy hair, yellow swirls in his eyes and gangly yellow teeth. His only clothing is an unbuckled straitjacket to exemplify his insanity. His weapon of choice is a strait razor, which he is often carrying in his mouth or jabbing in someone's direction.
Wheezy is the gunman of the Toon Patrol. He is voiced by June Foray. He is always teamed with the rest of the Toon Patrol or colluding with at least one of them, particularly Psycho. When they arrive at Eddie Valiant's office to question him, Wheezy uses his tommy gun to destroy the lock on the door so they can enter. After Smartass gets soap stuck in his mouth when threatening Valiant, Wheezy starts laughing from on top of Eddie Valiant's desk. Smartass hushes him by spitting the soap into his face and sending him soaring into the window blinds. Wheezy makes several more appearances including the bar fight, the chase after Benny the Cab, and the climax of the escape from Toontown. When Roger, Jessica and Valiant are captured and Judge Doom reveals his Dip Machine, Wheezy is filling the vehicle's vat with barrels of Dip, despite its dangerous effects on Toons. When the weasels all start dying from laughing at Valiant's comedic musical number, his spirit begins leaving his body, in spite of his desperate attempts to pull it back inside his body. Eventually, his spirit ascends and his body falls along with the ladder he was standing on. Wheezy has an unhealthy addiction to cigarettes and is often smoking several at once, causing his voice to become dry and raspy. He rarely speaks and his laughter always devolves into hacking and coughing. Much like the other weasels, he begins laughing uncontrollably at funny sights and will eventually die from the laughter, which occurs to most of the weasels except Smartass. He appears to be afraid of dying, as he is seen unsuccessfully trying to pull his soul back into his body, although when it breaks free, it does not appear regretful. Unlike his colleagues' collective brown furs, Wheezy has bluish-grey fur with lighter grey markings. He is never without an absurd amount of cigarettes, particularly possessing several in his mouth. He wears a white pork pie hat in which he carries an additional stash of cigarettes, a black vest, a loose tie, and a wrinkled shirt. His weapon of choice is presumed to be a tommy gun, though he is only seen using it once.
Stupid is the dumbest member of the Toon Patrol. He is voiced by Fred Newman. Stupid has the least involvement with the affairs of the Toon Patrol, likely a deliberate move on the part of Smartass to avoid any possible hinderance. When the Toon Patrol searches Eddie Valiant's office and questions him, Stupid starts laughing with the rest of the weasels when Smartass gets a bar of soap stuck in his mouth. He begins hitting himself in the head with his baseball bat and stumbles over laughing, before Smartass seals his mouth shut with a plunger. During the bar fight and the following escape, Stupid attempts to hit Valiant with his bat but is punched back and he lands on Judge Doom, knocking the both of them back into the other bar patrons. When Jessica and Valiant are taken to the Acme Factory, Stupid digs away the brick wall to show Toontown before later climbing onto the Dip Machine. During Valiant's comedic musical number, Stupid laughs and falls off the ladder, before suddenly dying and holding a lily over his body as his spirit ascends into the sky. He is so stupid that he is seen hitting himself over the head with his own weapon while laughing. He is also shown to be very childlike, as shown from his movements during his only line in the film when he excitedly informs Judge Doom that Toontown is on the other side of the wall in the Acme Factory, which he and Wheezy are drilling open. Stupid is clearly overweight, while all the other weasels are fairly slim. He has a very childlike wardrobe, wearing a blue and gray striped T-shirt, a red beanie with a propeller and dingy blue sneakers with untied laces. His weapon of choice is a baseball bat with a nail through it, though he only ever uses it on himself.
During production, there were going to be seven weasels rather than five, much like the Seven Dwarfs. The other two were named "Slimy" and "Flasher." Other names considered were Crazy, Sleazy, Scummy, Itchy, and Twitchy. However, only Slimy and Flasher made it to the sketch stage and no voice work for them was ever completed. Slimy was a black weasel with 1950s greaser attire who puked slime (and, just by looking at his concept art, could also be playing in it) and carried a blackjack as a weapon. Flasher, as his name implies, wore a trenchcoat but did not carry a visual weapon. The conceptual art of these characters is included in the 15th anniversary DVD edition of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Slimy, Flasher, and a third weasel known as Ragtag appear in the comic "The Resurrection of Doom". Since Slimy and Flasher appear somewhat differently in this comic, it is possible that they were different weasels that happen to have the same name. Also, there is an unnamed weasel in Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin. He is a dark brown weasel who wears a gray baggy hat, a white button-up shirt, and dark cadet-blue baggy suspenders. He was voiced by Will Ryan. His origins are unknown, though some names have been suggested by fans, notably "Sleazy".
- The Toon Patrol was intended to be a crude parody of the Seven Dwarfs from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, hence why there were initially seven, to begin with. The deleted character Voltaire was also supposed to be based on the vultures from the same movie.
- The Toon Patrol filled in for many of the things Voltaire would've done if he remained in the film.
- In early drafts for the film, the weasels would have been unnamed and all have similar personalities, and there would have been at least ten of them. All the weasels would die laughing (compared to Smartass being killed by the Dip). Additionally, instead of Judge Doom killing R.K. Maroon himself, one of the weasels would have done so while disguised as Roger Rabbit.
- Smartass's name is censored in some media: in Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin, he is called "Wise Guy", whilst the NES game simply calls him "Smart Guy".