Jack: There were objects so peculiar
They were not to be believed
All around, things to tantalize my brain
It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen
And as hard as I try, I can't seem to describe
Like a most improbable dream
But you must believe when I tell you this: it's as real as my skull and it does exist...
(spoken) Here, let me show you!
This is a thing called a present - the whole thing starts with a box...
Harlequin Demon: A box?
Devil: Is it steel?
Wolfman:Are there locks?
Harlequin Demon: Is it filled with a pox?
Devil : A pox. How delightful, a pox..,
Jack: (spoken) If you please...
Just a box with bright-colored paper - and the whole thing's topped with a bow
Witches: A bow?
What's in it? What's in it?
Jack: That's the point of the thing, not to know!
Clown with the Tear-Away Face: It's a bat!
Creature Under the Stairs: Will it bend?
Clown with the Tear-Away Face: It's a rat!
Creature Under the Stairs: Will it break?
Undersea Gal: Perhaps, it's the head that I found in the lake...
Jack: Listen now, you don't understand. That's not the point of Christmas Land!
(spoken) Now, pay attention.
We pick up an over-sized sock, and hang it like this on the wall
Mr. Hyde: Oh, yes! Does it still have a foot?
Medium Mr. Hyde: Let me see, let me look!
Small Mr. Hyde: Is it rotted and covered with gook?
Jack: (spoken) Um, let me explain.
There's no foot inside, but there's candy. Or sometimes, it's filled with small toys,,,
Winged Demon: Small toys? Do they bite?
Mummy: Do they snap?
Winged Demon: Or explode in a sack?
Corpse Kid: Or perhaps they just spring out and scare girls and boys!
Mayor: What a splendid idea - this Christmas sounds fun
Why, I fully endorse it, let's try it at once!
Jack: Everyone, please now, not so fast!
There's something here that you don't quite grasp
(spoken) Well, I may as well give them what they want.
And the best, I must confess
I have saved for the last for the ruler of this Christmas Land
Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
Least, that's what I've come to understand...
And I've also heard it told that he's something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red...
And he sets out to slay with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms
That is, so I've heard it said
And on a dark, cold night under full moonlight
He flies into a fog like a vulture in the sky...
And they call him "Sandy Claws"...!
Jack: Well, at least they're excited
Though they don't understand that special kind of feeling in Christmas Land
(spoken) Oh, well...
- The Evil Queen in her hag form can be seen in the crowd throughout the song.