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"You Are Old, Father William" (or shortened as Old Father William) is a song originally a poem written by Lewis Carroll. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum sing part of it in the 1951 Disney film, Alice in Wonderland.

They Might Be Giants sing the full song in the soundtrack of the 2010 film Alice in Wonderland.

Lyrics

"You are old, Father William," the young man said
"And your hair has become very white
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son
"I feared it might injure the brain
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none
Why, I do it again and again"

"I am old,
I am old
I will tell you again, I am old"

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before
And have grown most uncommonly fat
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment, one shilling a box
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"I am old,
I am old
It's a statement, in fact, I am old"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet
Yet you finish the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law
And argued each case with my wife
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life"

"I am old,
I am old
There's not much more to say, I am old"
"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough"
Said his father, "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?

Be off or I'll kick you downstairs!"
"Downstairs!
Downstairs!
Be off or I'll kick you downstairs!"

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